Coming Home
by angie1379
Summary: Kate deals with the aftereffects of losing her job in Washington. Set post-Need to Know, but before Number One Fan. Stays in canon. Multi-chapter. Don't own anything.
1. Chapter 1

The door closed behind Rachel McCord, and Kate collapsed on the couch like marionette whose strings had suddenly been snipped.

The visit had been brief, no more than five minutes. Really, what else was there to say after, "You're fired"?

Except, "I'm going to need your service weapon and ID."

That had stung. Deeply.

But McCord had made an effort to be gentle, assuring Kate she'd get a generous severance and positive recommendations.

All Kate had managed to choke out was a redundant, "Are you sure?"

"All too sure, I'm afraid. They wouldn't have made me the messenger if they were indecisive about it. You messed up, Beckett, for the noblest reason, sure, but we both know you struggle with following blind orders."

"Who made the call?"

"Kate—"

"Who, Rachel?"

McCord sighed in resignation before answering Kate's question. "Villante saw the news and knew that someone here leaked it. He took heat from the CIA, then confronted me first. But I was with Agent Wright when the call was made from the 12th to the news station. That left you, and you just confirmed it."

"So Villante told you to fire me if I confessed?" Kate said, realizing she'd pretty much been baited. It was an interrogation technique she knew well — pretend you have concrete proof and wait for the suspect to implicate themselves. But looking at McCord, Beckett knew her partner hadn't been fishing for a confession; she'd already known Kate was the leak.

"He was under orders from Freedman." McCord paused, knowing the Deputy Director had been the one to hire Kate only a few short months ago. "Kate, listen —"

"No, I get it. I was already on thin ice after everything with Castle and what happened with Secretary Reed. And you're right, I'm not very good at being a foot soldier." Her voice was clipped, but she conceded, "Maybe this is for the best."

McCord took that as her cue to leave, but first she offered, "There will probably be some paperwork to fill out. I can have them send it to you if you want."

Beckett shook her head, the weight and implications of everything finally beginning to settle. "No, I'll need to go back to DC anyway, so I'll come by the office. At the very least, I owe Freedman an apology."

McCord nodded, then added, "It really was great working with you, Kate." She nodded solemnly to Castle and regretfully accepted the badge and gun Kate held out to her, before stepping into the hallway and out of their lives.

Castle closed the door, then turned around in time to see Kate drop to the couch, covering her face as she leaned down so that her hands created a barrier between her head and knees. Castle stood for a moment by the door, not sure what the best course of action was — whether to offer her comfort or privacy. His indecision lasted only a matter of seconds before he was striding to the sofa and gathering her in his arms. There was a time such an overtly physical demonstration of comfort would have been unwelcome, as it would have signaled weakness or dependency for the indomitable receiver. But those days were long past, and as Kate folded into him, he was grateful to be able to offer what solace he could.

"Castle, what did I do?" she whispered, her voice soft and fractured with emotion.

"Your job," he offered sincerely, barely able to imagine what she was feeling.

But she just shook her head and laughed bitterly, "No, if I had done my job, I'd still have it."

"Yes, and Svetlana Renkov would be on her way to Russia with a target on her back. You did your job, Kate. You protected the victim."

This time, she nodded silently, then just let him hold her as tears slipped down her face. They stayed that way for a while, both silent and lost in their own thoughts about what had happened.

Finally, Kate sniffed and wiped her tears before sitting up.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Castle ventured.

"I don't even know what to say. A few minutes ago, you were moving to D.C. to be with me, and now it looks like I'm coming back to New York."

"You don't have to, you know," he posited tentatively, "We could stay in Washington if you want, if you like it there. You could look for another job in the area."

"Doing what, Capitol security?" she replied derisively, then softened and smiled at his endless support and generosity. He really would do anything for her. "No, I was only there for one reason, and now it's gone."

Castle hesitated, moving his mouth but struggling to find the words he wanted to say. Finally, he managed to put his thoughts together. "Do you ... I mean ... have you thought about talking to Freedman, asking him to reconsider."

But Kate just shook her head determinedly. "No, not this time. Rachel is right, if they sent her and didn't even wait for us to get back, they're serious." She paused and took a deep breath. "And I can't blame them. I can't be trusted to follow orders. Never could. But I thought with this job, I'd be serving a higher purpose, and I wouldn't have to break the rules. I thought that's what these people did. I thought breaking the rules was part of the job description, but it turns out, they are more beholden to the rules than anyone. I guess it was only a matter of time until I came up against that wall."

Castle smiled, despite himself. "Must be my bad influence on you."

She smiled back, "Must be."

Castle met her eyes and saw the sadness in them. He knew she was facing the mortality of her professional identity and wasn't sure what to do with her feelings about it. All he wanted was to give her the reassurance he knew she needed, in any form he could offer it.

"If it makes you feel any better, Kate, I think I love you more now than I ever have," he said solemnly, referencing their conversation from a short while earlier. "You're the bravest, most honorable woman I've ever known, and you took a big risk that may have saved a woman's life. If the guys in D.C. can't see that, they don't deserve you."

She brought her palm to his cheek and stoked softly, feeling the stubble scratch against her fingertips. "Thank you, Castle. I can't say I'm feeling that way quite yet, but thank you."

Taking her hand, he stood up and tugged her after him. "Come on."

"We are we going?"

"To the kitchen. I have four half-gallons of ice cream, and I can't think of a better occasion to eat them," he explained, looking back and smiling at her tenderly. "You up for it?"

"As long as at least two of the flavors involve chocolate."


	2. Chapter 2

Kate took a seat at the counter while Castle retrieved bowls, spoons, and a selection of chocolate-raspberry truffle, strawberry, chocolate pecan, and pistachio ice cream.

Her heart wasn't in it as he placed a heaping bowl in front of her, but it was better than crawling into a corner and crying for a few days.

He tried distracting her by venting his impatience with the ever-present Pi and rehashing his concern over Alexis's infatuation with the frustrating frutarian. She tried to make an effort to be part of the conversation, but her mind just kept returning to her new status as a fired federal agent. There was no escaping it, and after a few bites of ice cream, she put her spoon down and dropped her face to her hands.

"I'm sorry, Castle. I can't."

He immediately went around the counter and wrapped her in his arms once again. "It's okay. You do what you need to do."

"I don't know how to make sense of this. It doesn't feel real. I turned my whole life — our life — upside down for this job, and now it's over. Less than four months, and I blew it. What am I going to tell everyone."

"You can tell them the job wasn't for you. It wasn't what you thought and you couldn't play by their rules. No one is going to think less of you, Kate."

She wanted to keep protesting, but she knew he was right, and she just wanted to whine about the unfairness of it all, and the damage to her ego. It hurt deeply every time her mind floated back to McCord's words. "I'm here to tell you, you're fired."

Even knowing it was the risk she took when she made that call, the reality of losing a position thousands of people would kill for — and that she herself uprooted her life to have — caused a steel ball to form in the pit of her stomach, weighing her down. She had been a federal agent, investigating cases of national security and moving in some of the tightest circles in law enforcement.

But if she was honest with herself, she knew it wasn't everything she'd hoped it would be, going in. She had expected a loss of autonomy, being the new kid on the block, and had prepared for it as best she could by dedicating herself to learning everything she could about her new role. But seeing how little intel McCord and even Villante were given was frustrating. She felt like Charlie's Angels with some disembodied voice feeding them just enough information to move from one space on a metaphorical game board to the next with no sense of the larger game being played.

Still, she hadn't been ready to throw in the towel. She was willing to concede that day might have been inevitable, but now she'd never know. She had been stripped of the choice.

"Do you mind if I just go lie down for a while?"

"No, of course not. I'll clean up in here and meet you in bed."

She nodded and slid off the stool, but before she could take two steps, his arms were around her, pulling her in tight.

"It's gonna be okay, Kate."

She wanted to answer, to assure him she knew that, but the words wouldn't come out. So instead she just nodded, accepting his optimism and hoping it was enough.

Silently, he watched as she walked through the living room and slipped into his bedroom.

He lingered in the kitchen, taking his time clearing the ice cream bowls and wiping down the counters. He wanted to give her time in case she needed it, but finally there was nothing else for him to do. He turned off the lights, locked the door, and followed her path into the bedroom only to find her curled on the bed, sound asleep.

He had to admit, the sight surprised him. Kate was always a restless sleeper when she was upset or worried, but the exhaustion of the job and the stress of the evening must have taken their toll.

He was grateful she'd had the foresight to slip out of her shoes and pants, which made it so much easier to just pull the comforter up and tuck her in without waking her.

In a tiny, selfish corner of his mind that he would never openly admit existed, he exhaled a breath of guilty relief. He truly had been so happy she was advancing her career and putting her multitude of skills to optimal use. But damn, it had been hard. So hard. He missed her like crazy and missed working with her. He missed the purpose he got from working homicides. He missed curling up on the couch and talking about cases, and he missed being able to see her whenever he wanted. Of course he'd been willing to do anything to make it work, including moving to D.C. She was worth every sacrifice. But somewhere in that small, selfish corner, he couldn't deny that she never looked as peaceful, as at home in her new apartment in Arlington, as she did now in this room that she still didn't refer to as anything but his. Something had been off with Washington, and the fit, for both of them, was not as natural as he'd hoped.

Maybe now that would begin to change, and they would find the right fit for their budding life together. The mere thought lifted his spirits while he deposited his clothes in the hamper and pulled on shorts and a t-shirt, all the while pondering ways to help her through this unexpected transition.

Confident his words of reassurance to her were not said in vain, he slid into his side of the bed, turned off the light, and gathered her to him as much for his peace of mind as hers.


	3. Chapter 3

Morning dawned sunny and bright, much to Kate's dismay. She wanted rain and clouds, to reflect her mood. She rolled over and looked at the clock. The groan she emitted when she saw it was eight-thirty was loud enough to rouse the man laying next to her.

"G'morning," Castle mumbled into his pillow.

"Speak for yourself," Kate retorted before burying her face in the mattress and covering her head with the blankets. "I'm turning into a lazy bum already."

Castle lifted his head and turned to look at her. "Come on, Kate. You're allowed to sleep in. Besides, when was the last time you slept past 6?"

"May," she grunted, her face still pressed to the sheets.

"So between that and the current evidence, I think it's safe to say you were due." Castle rolled toward her and ran his hand up her back. "Hey, you okay?"

She turned toward him and met his eyes, both taking comfort in the love and support she saw reflected there and hating the reason for it. But like the stages of grief, she was moving beyond hurt and bewilderment was currently working up a good mad.

"How could they fire me, Castle? Okay, yes, I was being insubordinate when I called the media, but I probably saved a woman's life in the process. Is that really something to fire me over?"

Castle rubbed the last of the sleep from his eyes and considered her question. "Not in my book, no. But I guess it depends on who you ask. Don't forget what you said last night — this wasn't exactly your first warning."

"Gee, thanks. That makes me feel a whole lot better," she deadpanned.

"Kate — " His voice was practically a plea.

"I know, I know. I just can't believe I don't have a job to go to this morning — or any morning in the foreseeable future. Not to mention I have to go back to D.C., face the very people who had me canned, and repack boxes that I never even got a chance to fully unpack. Then I have to tell my dad. And oh, god, Ryan and Espo are going to find out. And Gates. This is so humiliating."

"Yeah, but we don't have to do it all today. All we have to do today is lay around in bed, mope around the house, and pretend like nothing exists outside these walls," he said, preparing to pull the covers back over them.

"Not a chance," Kate said with willful determination, causing Castle's eyebrow to perk up with curiosity. "Forgive the cliche, but this whole disaster is now a stubborn Band-aid, and I'm going to rip it off as quickly as possible. I'm getting this over with."

Before he could ask for specifics, she was out of bed and striding toward the bathroom. "Come on, Castle, we've gotta shower and get to D.C. I've got a lot to do today."

Like a woman on a mission, which she was, she hustled him through breakfast and packing, and was out the door by 11 a.m. In between the preparation, the drive to the airport, and the commuter flight to Washington, Kate filled him in on her plans. She wasn't going to drag this out, and was determined to close this brief chapter as quickly as possible.

"I can't let this fester, Castle," she explained on the plane. "I don't want it to eat me alive while I second guess everything. I went for it, and it didn't work out. I'm not going to pine away for something that I have no control over."

Castle nodded in reply, not surprised by her response. "You don't have to convince me. Whatever happens, we'll figure it out, and if you want to do that figuring from New York, I'm not going to complain."

She eyed him critically as his words churned through her head. "You didn't really want to move to D.C."

It was a statement, not a question, but he didn't even flinch before answering.

"I wanted to be with you," he said simply, "and if that meant moving to Iowa, I would have done it gladly."

She clasped his hand and held tight. "I'm glad you're here. I'm glad I don't have to do this alone."

"Me, too," he agreed easily, holding her hand as the pilot announced their arrival.

Walking out of Dulles Airport in Washington, they made their way to the rental car area, and once Castle secured them transportation, they headed straight to Beckett's apartment. Upon arrival, she assigned Castle the task of packing up the assorted possessions that were scattered on tables and shelves, while she changed into her most severe business suit and prepared to face the people who had fired her.

As she shrugged on her blazer, Castle took hold of her shoulders and turned her to face him. "You have nothing to be ashamed of. Remember that," he insisted.

She nodded gratefully, then pushed herself against him and drew as much comfort and strength as she could from his embrace. His confidence and support fortified her against what she had to do.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note:** A few people have brought it to my attention that I might have taken some liberties with what actually happens when one is fired from a federal job such as Kate's. Given the ambiguity of Kate's new job — described variously in the show as a hybrid position between the FBI and a special task force for the Attorney General — we can't even be sure such a job exists, let alone how it's managed. I fully admit I'm not 100 percent sure how things like severance pay, unemployment benefits, exit interviews, etc, are handled at that level, but I'm my goal is to honor the spirit of the show, which sometimes requires suspending disbelief in pursuit of character development and insight. I hope this next chapter provides some of that insight without taking the disbelief too far. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated and can only help me improve my storytelling. Happy reading!

* * *

Kate stood inside the office of Deputy Director Anthony Freedman for only the third time in her life. The first time had been her interview, which seemed decades ago now. And the second time had been during her formal welcome and orientation three weeks later. Now she was making her apologies and goodbyes.

"Do you think you're the first person to be let go for this reason? There are different kinds of strengths, Ms. Beckett, and your uncompromising moral compass is nothing to be ashamed of. But your actions compromised an international investigation, and that can't be overlooked, particularly given that this was not an isolated incident." His voice was calm, but firm and pointed.

"Forgive me, sir, but that case was compromised the second Charlie Reynolds was murdered."

He couldn't deny the truth of it, but the party line was his to tow in this case. "Be that as it may, it was not your place to decide how the CIA conducts its investigations."

"I couldn't let them use her like that, sir." Her voice was quiet, but without apology or shame.

"And that's the point, Ms. Beckett. In a perfect world, all investigations would follow your rules. So believe me when I tell you that you're not being let go because you didn't meet our standards."

"And firing me is the solution to that?" She wasn't sure what it said about the U.S. government that it fired people who were too moral, but the reality of it emboldened her to ask the question.

Her studied her critically for a moment. "Let me ask you something. If you had to do it over again, knowing you'd be fired, would you still have made that call to the press."

"Yes, sir." She didn't hesitate. She had pondered that very question since the night before and concluded there was no other answer for her. Svetlana's safety was more important than her job.

"And do you really want the day to come when you won't make that call, when you will just follow the order? How will you feel about yourself then?"

Kate didn't answer.

"Exactly. There's strength in trusting in the bigger picture, in accepting your small role in overseeing the whole forest, if you will. That's what our agents are required to do, and sometimes that means overlooking a tree or two in order to preserve the forest." He paused and let that metaphor sink in. "But there's also strength in tending to those individual trees, and that's what you do. Both serve a crucial role. Maybe I should have seen that in your performance record, but you promised to bring so much talent to the agency that I didn't consider how the compromises that the job requires would challenge you so fundamentally."

"Are you saying you shouldn't have hired me in the first place, sir?" Maybe it was an insubordinate question, but really, what did she have to lose.

"I'm saying maybe I should have given you a little more information on which to base your decision. I should have spelled things out a little more clearly so you knew the kinds of limitations you would face."

Kate nodded and accepted his explanation, but then offered her own absolution to him in return. "Honestly, I'm not sure it would have made a difference. I was pretty impressed with this position and would have probably given is a shot no matter what. But I appreciate your kindness."

He studied her closely. "Like I said in your interview, it's not kindness, it's a fact. You're a talented, intelligent woman, Ms. Beckett. You'll find your place where those talents will serve you better than they can here — dare I say perhaps even back at the NYPD. I'm sure they've missed you."

Kate just smiled, unsure how to tell him she hadn't yet been able to tell her former colleagues what had happened.

"Good luck to you, Ms. Beckett. And don't hesitate to contact me for any assistance I can offer. I'm sorry it didn't work out."

He held out his hand, and she extended hers as well.

"Thank you, sir."

With a final nod and smile, she walked out of the office, the building, and her brief life with the FBI. The weight in her stomach wasn't as heavy as it had been a night earlier when McCord had delivered the news, but the specter of failure still surrounded her, and probably would for a while no matter how many justifications and absolutions she received. She'd been fired. It was a reality she couldn't escape and would have to learn to accept and weave into her personal sense of self.

After a blessedly quick stop at her former offices, including terse good-byes to Villante and the rest of her short-lived team, the professional loose ends in Washington were all tied up. She had held her head high, made no apologies, and thanked them all for welcoming her and teaching her so much in such a short time. Her words and actions were externally professional and internally grueling, requiring every last drop of self-control to mask the inescapable indignity of being fired after a mere four months.

It was polite pageantry of the highest degree.

The adrenaline it took to get through her final visit to headquarters lasted just long enough to get her back to her car. Once ensconced in the quiet interior, the dam finally broke. Hot tears spilled at will down her cheeks as sobs shook her body. She let it all out: the anger, frustration, sense of failure, inadequacy, and the unfairness that she rationally knew was not unfair at all. But at that moment, she released it all in a private bout of weakness. When the sobs subsided and the tears ran dry, she wiped her face and took a long pull from the water bottle in the center console, not even caring that the water was warm and stale. All she knew was that it washed the salty, bitter taste of regret and defeat from her mouth.

Breathing deeply, she started the car and turned in the direction of her apartment. All that was left was to take care of what remained of the personal details.

It was a task that she knew would bring a lot of closure, but very little satisfaction.


	5. Chapter 5

Kate couldn't deny that Castle's financial resources, and his insistence that she utilize them, made some things a whole lot easier. Money might not be able to ease the tightness in her chest, but it proved effective in getting her out of the city as quickly as possible.

As the taxi dropped her off at her short-lived home, she took note of the moving van out front and couldn't help but wonder what the surcharge was on same-day service, even on the smallest van. The apartment had come furnished, as it was just meant to be a placeholder until she could make a more informed decision on where she wanted to settle down after she'd been in D.C. a little while. Therefore, much of her own furniture was still at her old place in New York, which again, Castle had enabled her to hold on to through the end of her lease, just to be sure the federal job was everything it promised. She never dreamed she would be so grateful for that particular safety net — or that she would need to use it so quickly.

Inside, Castle was packing up the last of some dishes and cups in the kitchen, while the movers carried boxes from the bedroom to the front door. She knew they would not have time to finish that day, but glancing around, she was grateful to see they had a pretty good head start.

The minute Castle saw her, he dropped what he was doing and rushed over. "Hey, how'd it go?" he asked tentatively, not sure what to make of her rather neutral expression, but noting the puffiness around her eyes and redness in her cheeks.

She smiled and accepted his embrace, reminded once again of how glad she was that she didn't have to face this alone.

"Surprisingly well, to be honest. I had a few rough moments when it was all over, but Freedman was really good about everything, giving me a professional variation on the, 'It's-not-you,-it's-me' talk."

"Do you believe him?"

"I might, eventually," she admitted cautiously. "I'm not used to failing, Castle, and it's hard for me to separate where I went wrong from the fact that the problem might have more to do with their rules than with any deficiency on my part. Right now, all I can see is that I couldn't do what the job required."

He nodded, knowing that was something she was going to have to come to accept on her own. He knew she'd do it eventually, probably when she was back in an environment that fulfilled her and made her happy. Then she would see how she had been suffocating in D.C.

In the interim, they would focus on the immediate tasks and get her back home as quickly as she wanted. To that end, she changed into jeans, pulled her hair back in a pony tail, and dove in to getting the apartment packed up as quickly as possible.

* * *

Several hours later, Castle and Beckett — hot, dirty, sweaty, and exhausted — watched the moving van pull away from the curb. The movers would be back first thing in the morning to finish with the final boxes before leaving for Manhattan, where they would unceremoniously drop her possessions off in her old apartment.

Kate debated calling her dad, or even Lanie or Esposito, but ultimately decided it could all keep for another day. Castle confessed to telling his mother the whole story when he'd talked to her while Kate had been gone. Martha, Alexis, and Pi had returned from their yoga trip to an empty loft and very little explanation in the note left on the counter. Kate wasn't sure how she felt about people finding out, but she knew it couldn't be avoided. While sympathy wasn't her favorite emotion to be on the reviving end of, a part of her felt unexpectedly grateful for the support and reinforcement Castle's mother had emphatically relayed through her son: "You tell that girl to keep her chin up. If those morons at the FBI let her go, then they don't deserve her."

It was still a new feeling to have that kind of a support network, but she couldn't deny it helped to know she had people in her corner.

As for everyone else, she would make it a point to make some phone calls the next day. Her friends deserved to know what was going on, especially since they had been so involved in the case that cost her the job — and had essentially solved it on their own.

But for now, she just wanted a hot shower and whatever heavenly food Castle had ordered that had just been delivered.

Opting first for food, they each devoured the pasta, meatballs, garlic bread, and Caesar salad from a nearby Italian restaurant Kate had mentioned wanting to try but never made time for. Scooping the last of the sauce with her bread, she could honestly say it was probably going to be one of the things she missed most about the city.

Castle offered to clean up the takeout mess while Kate took a shower, and after futile protests, she relented with a grateful kiss.

The water felt divine. She soaked and scrubbed, wallowed and reveled, allowing the hot water to wash away the tears, grime, and sweat of the day.

Still, as nice as the solitude was, a pleased smile crossed her lips when the bathroom door finally opened.

"Took you long enough," she called out through the plexiglass door.

"I wanted to give you some time," he said as he removed his clothes and dropped them in the pile next to the sink.

When the shower door opened, she moved toward him like a magnet, drawing him under the spray and wrapping her arms around him.

"Best feeling I've had all day," she breathed into his shoulder, kissing the water from his skin and moving steadily along his neck until she could press her lips to his. Suddenly, the stress of the day faded into the distance, leaving nothing but the present moment and the hopeful security it promised.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Kate woke to the press of Castle's lips to her shoulder blade. "Rise and shine," he prompted, taking full advantage of her state of undress to quite literally arouse her into wakefulness.

While the tactic worked to bring her out of slumber, it actively worked against their efforts to get an early start, and an hour later than planned, they were scrambling into clothes as the movers knocked on the door.

The remainder of their plans included some final packing and cleaning, then heading to a nearby hotel before flying back to New York in the morning. They scarfed down English muffins and coffee for breakfast, then got straight to work with Castle coordinating the packing while Beckett cancelled utilities, changed her address (again), and closed her local bank account.

When the movers finally left, and all that remained were the essentials they were keeping with them, Beckett made good on her promise to call people back home. She called her dad first, and began by telling him she'd be home the next day.

"For a visit? That's great, I'll clear my schedule. I feel like I haven't seen you since you moved down there."

"No, Dad," she finally interrupted, "not for a visit. I'm coming home for good. The job didn't work out."

Of course this prompted immediate concern, and his first question was predictably, "What happened?"

She took a deep breath to push out the words she'd practiced saying all morning and would have to say a dozen more times in the days ahead.

"It's a long story, and some of it's classified, but ultimately, they let me go. Apparently, I'm not very good at following orders."

He was silent for a moment on the other end, then said, in a gush of air, "Katie, I'm so sorry. I know how much you wanted this job. How are you holding up?"

She filled him on the previous few days, promising him the whole story when they got back to the city.

"I just wanted to let you know what's been going on. Castle and I have a little more work to do here, then we'll be home tomorrow afternoon."

"Will you be staying with Rick?"

The most paternal, old-fashioned part of him found that a tough question to ask, but he had to accept she was a grown woman, and he just wanted to know where she'd be.

"Not permanently, no. Maybe for a few days until my apartment is back to being livable, but then I'll be back home."

She reassured him again that she was fine and that she would soon tell him as much as she was legally allowed. When the called ended a few moments later, she felt Castle lean down behind her and place a kiss on her cheek, perching himself next to her on the arm of the sofa. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"No, it was okay," she conceded. The shock of the last few days was wearing off, and her confidence was slowly returning — at least enough to take some of the sting off of relating what had happened. "So, one call down, two to go."

Nearly a full hour later, she concluded her calls to Lanie, and jointly to Ryan and Esposito, who were unsurprisingly together at the precinct. And both calls had gone pretty much as expected, with equal parts shock and indignation on her behalf from all of them. Being privy to the details of the case, they were all the more outraged that she'd been dismissed for essentially saving a woman's life. In a show of solidarity that actually brought a smile to Beckett's face, plans were made to get together at the Old Haunt later in the week to collectively trash the feds in her honor.

For the time being, Kate declined Esposito's offer to connect her to Gates. "Not yet, Espo. I'll come by in person as soon as I'm back in town."

"But you are planning to come back to work, right? I mean, why wouldn't you?"

It truly warmed her heart to know they would welcome her back at the 12th and not hold her departure against her. She knew not all cops could say the same. Sometimes, leaving for bigger and better meant losing the friendship of those left behind.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll come back. I can't say I haven't missed it."

And that was about as close as she would come to saying she missed them, but they got the message just the same.

Lanie had promised to buy enough rounds of tequila to make Kate forget the U.S. even had a capital city, let alone that she'd lived in it for four months. Then Lanie added she was glad to have her shopping/drinking/work buddy back where she belonged.

"I know it was a great job and all, but you gotta admit, Kate, it was hard on you. I'm sure you would have made it work somehow, but my advice is to take this as an opportunity, as a sign, to get that adorable behind of yours back to New York."

Leave it to Lanie to say what no one else, even Castle, would. Kate thanked her friend and promised to call once she was settled back home. "No hurry. Maybe you want to spend a few days making up for all that time spent away from Castle."

The innuendo was unmistakable, and Kate acknowledged saucily, "Yeah, that's kind of on the agenda, too." She caught Castle's eye from across the room, and even though he had no idea what had just been said about him, Kate felt the temperature go up by about ten degrees when he smiled at her. Yeah, there was definitely something to be said about the benefits of living in the same city as the person you loved.

When she finally put the phone down, Kate could honestly say she felt lighter. She was going home, and for the first time, she felt a surge of excitement at the prospect of being back in New York where everything was familiar, and where she could see her friends and family when she wanted. Washington had been amazing, but it had also been lonely and had certainly never come to feel like home. Maybe in time it would have, but if there was a silver lining, she was going to cling to it — and that lining was called home.


	7. Chapter 7

Kate set her phone on the end table, went in search of Castle, and found him outside, placing their suitcases in the car. The apartment was nearly empty, with only cleaning left to do.

"So, how's the gang?" he asked when he saw her approach.

"Good," she replied rather generically, then elaborated, "They're appropriately offended on my behalf and have abandoned any goodwill toward federal agents that my brief conversion might have engendered. In short, all is right with the world once again."

That left him chuckling and wrapping an arm around her shoulders while they walked back into the apartment. He wasn't the least surprised her former colleagues rallied around her without an iota of ridicule — they were, after all, her truest friends. But knowing how hard it was for anyone, let alone the indomitable Katherine Beckett, to admit failure, he wisely refrained from even hinting at an "I told you so."

Instead, he offered, "Then let's wrap this up and get back home as soon as possible."

"Sounds good to me," she agreed readily.

The next few hours were spent vacuuming and wiping down counters, walls, and appliances a final time. Castle had wanted to hire a cleaning crew, but Beckett argued that those agencies always overlooked the spots that shifty landlords used as an excuse to keep security deposits. "One time, I had a landlord refuse to give back my deposit because I didn't clean under the burners on the stove," she said by way of justification.

So they did their own cleaning, hitting all the tell-tale spots and leaving the place even cleaner than they'd found it. And for Kate, the process was surprisingly cathartic, almost as though she was scrubbing clean her conscious even as she scrubbed the bathroom floor.

At eight o'clock, they left the key on the kitchen table, per the landlord's instructions, and closed the door behind them a final time. It had never been home, but the little apartment had a lot of potential Kate had never taken the time to tap. Maybe the next occupants would.

"Has it really been less than two days since all of this started?" she asked, still somewhat bewildered by everything. She collapsed into the rental car, flung her head back against the headrest, and tried not to let it overwhelm her.

"Do you want to get something to eat or drink?" he asked, realizing it had been every bit of eight hours since they'd eaten a potluck lunch, primarily intended to help empty the perishables from her fridge.

"Can we just get something to take back to the hotel? I'm not really dressed — or in the mood — to go in anywhere."

They settled on a familiar place not too far away that both agreed was well on its way to becoming their D.C. equivalent of Remy's. While waiting on their order, Kate noticed Castle playing with his key ring — and one key stood out to her.

"Is that the key to the place you bought for us here?" Her voice was quiet and uncertain, a reflection of her sudden emotions.

"Yeah," he confirmed, "I didn't have time to take care of everything today. I told the Realtor I'd be in touch to decide what to do with it."

Her eyes fell to her lap. "I'm sorry this is causing you so much trouble."

"Hey," he said, drawing her eyes back to his, "Partners, remember? Your trouble is my trouble. Now tell me what this is about."

She chewed her lip for a second, debating what she truly wanted to do. Finally she asked softly, "Can we go see it?"

His eyes widened almost imperceptibly. He really hadn't considered she'd want to, but he wasn't about to stop her. "Yeah, of course."

Both fell silent until the woman at the counter produced two bags full of burgers, roasted veggies, and fries. It smelled divine, and Kate's stomach growled when they got back into the car and the interior filled with the mouth-watering aromas.

It was a slightly longer drive to the apartment than to the hotel, but Kate enjoyed seeing the neighborhoods shift and change, from posh and trendy to more Bohemian and artsy. When they finally pulled up in front of a late 19th-century building on the outskirts of DuPont Circle where the trendsetters hadn't yet ventured, Kate was shaking her head in a mixture of disbelief and admiration.

"How did you manage to pick the perfect neighborhood?"

He smiled, pleased that she approved of his choice. "Given where we both chose to live in New York, it wasn't hard to figure out we needed an area with some history, architecture, and eclectic diversity. This fit the bill."

She leaned over and planted a smacking kiss on his lips before grabbing the food bags and making her way up the walk.

* * *

**_Just FYI — two chapters to go._**


	8. Chapter 8

Castle let her precede him into the building and up the elevator to the third floor. Once in front of the door, he watched as she slipped the key into the lock and then hesitantly stepped into the apartment.

She had to admit, it was a lot to take in, but she couldn't deny he'd chosen well. The building had been used for commercial purposes for most of the last century — variously a newspaper, then a war office during WWII and Vietnam, and finally a law firm — until being abandoned in the late 1980s. It was obvious it had once been a single, open room with only a few new walls constructed as part of the remodeling and repurposing of the old space. Castle told her each of the three floor was now its own apartment.

Their floor, the top of course, had all the unique character of her apartment in Manhattan, with original plasterwork and gorgeous hardwood floors still pock-marked by the legs of the heavy metal desks that once occupied the space. The built-in bookcases in the alcove-turned-office must have left Castle drooling when he'd seen them, and the cast iron radiators were as ornate as they were efficient, even decades later. But alongside all the classic elements were high windows, sharp furniture, an open floor plan, and state-of-the-art technology that made it the perfect complement of their personalities. While not fully furnished, there were some core pieces, including a sofa and dinette, that would have been fun to build around.

Suddenly, Kate's heart, which she had thought finally at peace with leaving Washington, ached with all of the lost "might-have-beens" that this single building and its scarce furnishings promised them. This could have been their life — would have been if not for her infernal conscious and impulsive rebellion.

Sensing her thoughts, Castle stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

"I like it, too, but it's nothing we can't have back in New York. There's no rule that says we can't get our own place in the city."

She turned into him and smiled, "We can worry about that later. Why don't we just enjoy our late dinner — "

"Almost a midnight snack," he quipped.

"Either way, let's have at least one meal in our almost-home," she concluded, with more wistful solemnity to her tone than she probably intended.

Together, they spread the food on the table, and she held his gaze to let him know she was getting closer to being okay. It might take a little longer, but soon, things would be okay.

* * *

When they had finished eating and making light conversation about everything from over-the-top wedding plans to the details of Castle's book tour that Beckett never got to hear, Castle gathered up the remains of their burgers and fries while Kate finished exploring the apartment. She found two bedrooms, a small one for guests and a much larger master suite with a king-size bed, deep walnut armoire, and updated, original fireplace that must have been part of the boss' office once upon a time. Overall, the place was considerably smaller than his loft in New York, but as somewhere they could have started to build their lives in D.C., it would have been perfect.

By the time she returned, Castle was reclining on the couch, scrolling tough The Chive on his phone.

"It's amazing, Castle. I would have loved living here with you." Her voice was rich with guileless sincerity.

He opened his arms to her, and she went willingly into them.

"You know," he began tentatively, "we still could. Well, not here, but in New York."

She glanced back at him curiously. "What, live together?"

"Yeah. I mean, if you want, you don't have to go back to your apartment. We could even get a place of our own and leave the loft to my current interlopers."

She couldn't help but smile at his description of Martha, Alexis, and Pi — as well as his seemingly endless generosity where she was concerned. But then her mind focused on the core of his proposal. It was a topic they had never really talked about. In D.C., living together was an obvious, practical solution to their long-distance problem, but in New York, there seemed to be so many issues to consider. The loft was still indisputably Castle's place, and as comfortable as Kate had become there, it was still the home he shared with his mother and daughter. Still, she assumed she would inevitably move in eventually; she certainly wasn't territorial enough to demand they find a new place together just for the sake of her ego. And she truly loved the loft, with this wide spaces and warm ambiance. But it was still hardly the kind of neutral territory the new place they were currently occupying would have been, and that weighed on her.

She turned to face him, taking his hands in hers and choosing her words ever so carefully. "That is a very tempting prospect, and I suspect an inevitable one, too, that I look forward to very much."

"Why do I hear a 'but' coming?" he asked rhetorically, though not sardonically, she was grateful to note.

"Because I don't think either one of us is ready right now for everything that moving in together would entail, if for no other reason than the upheaval of the past few months." She paused, and he gave her time to continue, curious about what she wanted to say. "You've got three other people living there now, and my life is more than a little unpredictable at the moment. When we move in together, I want it to be a process we can enjoy, when everyone is on board and we have good plans we can be excited about. I don't want it to be something to just make the best of." She took a deep breath, met his eyes, and concluded, "I love your home, and I want it to be mine, too — soon."

It was quite a speech, but it was true, and he trusted her honesty. This wasn't a case of commitment-phobia or hesitation, but simply a desire for slightly more optimal conditions.

"That makes sense," he conceded. "I just don't want you to think I don't want you there."

She turned back around so that she could lean against his chest once again. "I know that, Castle, and I want to be there — and intend to be there a lot," she added suggestively, snuggling into him. "But let's see how things with my employment, and even our engagement, play out before making any more grand gestures, okay?"

He expected that to wrap up the conversation, but she continued, apparently working through some feelings about her former job that had chosen that moment to surface. "The last few months have been so crazy, and all I wanted was to feel like I was finding a routine, finding my place. But it always felt like I was working those marathon cases we caught at the 12th, like with the CIA or the dirty bomb." He shuddered behind her, remembering the terror of those cases. "Only here, there were never any 'regular' cases in between the big ones. It was one adrenaline rush after another, never getting your balance before the next wave hit, and I feel like I've kind of forgotten what a normal life is for the rest of the population."

He couldn't argue with that. He'd practically forgotten what normal was for them as well, but he was eager to get it back now. With that goal in mind, he softly kissed the crown of her head, assuring her, "I understand. We'll get there soon enough. Right now, let's focus on getting back to New York and figuring out what our new normal is going to be."

"Now that sounds like a plan," she agreed, glad that at least one thing in her life felt stable and secure. Kate had no doubt the rest would follow in due course.

* * *

_One more to go ..._


	9. Chapter 9

With their living arrangements settled for the time being, Castle reached behind the couch and produced a bottle of champagne and two flutes. "Look what I found in the fridge."

At her questioning look, he elaborated. "I guess the Realtor left it as a congratulations gift. Be a shame to let it go to waste."

"Babe, we're hardly celebrating. If anything, I'd say we're closer to being in mourning."

"Nah," he said, expertly popping the cork and filling the flutes, "the way I see it, we're celebrating your integrity, your opportunity, and," he paused dramatically, "your presence in my life. I celebrate that every day."

Her heart melted at that, and she leaned in to press her lips to his. "I love you so much."

"I know," he murmured softly, kissing her again, "I love you, too."

Shifting back, he resumed pouring the champagne and passed a glass to Kate.

"To ...? " he looked at her expectantly, allowing her to determine what was worth toasting.

She considered for a moment, then continued, "To ... possibilities."

"To possibilities," he agreed, heartily approving the sentiment.

The sweet liquid bubbled and fizzed on her tongue as Kate took her first sip. It was excellent champagne.

"Wow, must be some swanky real estate agency that sold you this place," she commented, taking another generous taste of the bubbly.

"Only the best," he said, with a tip of his glass toward her.

Castle refilled their flutes, then set the bottle on the end table and scooted toward Kate until she leaned back to recline against him.

"Hell of a day," he commented rhetorically, using their old standby of a line, as she finally tucked herself securely beside him.

"Hell of a few days," she agreed.

The silence stretched between them for a few moments until he followed up with, "So, um, what's the plan for tomorrow? Is everything wrapped up here?"

Kate nodded, "Pretty much, yeah. Crazy that my whole life here only took two days to pack up. I just want to get back to New York and put this whole professional experiment behind me."

"Is that how you see these last few months, as an experiment?"

She twisted around to meet his eyes. "Do you have a better descriptor? I mean, that's what it was. I left my home and family for a job I knew very little about. I gave up a sure thing at the NYPD, where I was happy and successful, in the hopes I could swim in a bigger pond. And a little more than four months later, I'm back where I started because the experiment didn't work."

"No, you're not, Kate. Think about all the training you've had — all the new combat techniques, interrogation tactics, and computer tricks you've learned. Think of it like four months of boot camp that you get to take back to the NYPD."

"You're assuming the NYPD will take me back," she pointed out.

He shrugged, unimpressed by her pessimism. "Why wouldn't they? You were the best they had, and given that Gates had a front row seat to the stunt the CIA pulled, I don't see her holding any of this against you."

She welcomed his reassurance, but still couldn't bring herself to be quite as confident. "I hope you're right. We'll find out tomorrow, I suppose, if I muster the courage to go in."

"You will," he said, as she yawned into his shoulder. "And if not tomorrow, then when you're ready. And also when you're ready, we'll have the gang over for dinner and celebrate your return. It'll be great."

She truly hoped he was right. The way he described everything made it seem so simple and clear. Suddenly, the prospect of settling back into the life she had been so eager to leave didn't feel quite as much like failure as it had just that morning. She supposed that was Castle's eternal optimism rubbing off.

Or maybe it was just the exhaustion finally settling in for the night. They hadn't stopped moving since they woke up, now more than sixteen hours earlier.

"Hey, Castle?"

"Mmm?"

"I don't think we're gonna make it to the hotel."

Despite his own fatigue, Castle couldn't resist the chuckle that rumbled up from his chest. "I think you're right."

"Do you think anyone will mind if we stay here?"

"Considering we technically still own the place, I think we're safe."

Mustering what little energy she had left, Kate lifted herself from the sofa and tugged him after her.

"In that case, take me to bed. Let's have one night together in our own place."

She said the last sentence as she drew his mouth down to hers and met his lips in a deep, tender kiss. He responded by wrapping his arms around her and pulling her flush against him, feeling her body mold and respond to his own.

All of a sudden, he wasn't nearly so tired. And based on the way her arms grasped and roamed across his neck and back, neither was she.

"Gladly," he whispered against her lips, propelling her toward the bedroom, and the bed that once might have been theirs. "And tomorrow, we're going home to New York."

Her answer came in the form of another long, slow kiss at the threshold the bedroom.

"Home," she managed to say, drawing back to meet the raw intensity of his eyes that matched her own.

Moments later, the bedroom closed behind them, and together they said good-bye to a life that was never truly meant to be theirs.

* * *

The End

_Thank you all so much for following along on this brief journey we didn't get to see Castle and Beckett take on screen. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Until next time ... _


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